For this week’s food issue, I decided to brainstorm the perfect delicacies for some of our current NFL players to promote when they retire. In real life, many athletes choose to focus on food once their NFL career ends—Lee Roy Selmon, anyone? So here are my suggested endorsements, complete with possible advertising slogans.
Joe Flacco’s Fantastic Fudge: “Perfect for choking on.”
Larry Fitzgerald’s Filet-on-a-stick: “Leaving one hand open for TD catches.”
Tom Brady’s Beef Stew: “For those New England nights when you don’t have a supermodel to keep you warm.”
Aaron Rodgers’s Awesome Ribs: “Because he’s tired of cheese.”
Ndamukong Suh’s Sugar Suckers: “The best apology for personal fouls.”
Michael Vick’s Vinaigrette: “Amazes your taste buds once! Then disappoints you.”
Peyton Manning’s Mango Milkshakes: “Great for sipping on the sidelines.”
Tim Tebow’s Tasty Tarts: “Baked by God himself.”
Keep an eye on those grocery store shelves, because these products will go quickly!