By Anna Bryson
College football season is the pinnacle to the undergrad experience. If you don’t attend your school football games, why are you in college?
Here is your guide to the most important part of the experience: tailgating.
- First thing’s first: tailgate the tailgate. Wake up at 6 a.m. and have a wholesome breakfast of bloody marys and mimosas. Move onto tequila shots after breakfast.
- Packing essentials: beer. That is all. The spirit of football will keep you hydrated.
- Free food trick. A tailgate is essentially a free buffet. You wander around from station to station collecting hamburgers and hotdogs and then run back to your site as quickly as possible to eat the food.
- Avoid long lines at porta potties. Porta potties are gross and let’s be honest, it can be hard to sit or stand upright in one when you’ve been drinking. The spaces between parked cars and trucks acts as an alternative bathroom space. It’s quicker, easier, and come on, relieving yourself outdoors feels great. Just be prepared to book it when someone yells at you for accidentally peeing on their car.
- Team spirit. To prove your superiority over the rival team’s fans, you must show them how strong you are. Challenge the rival team’s fans to shotguns, funnels, and beer luge challenges. The better drinker is the better team.
- “It’s a marathon, not a sprint,” is BS. Day drinking is the paramount aspect of tailgating. Out of respect for this holy American tradition, don’t “pace yourself.” If our founding fathers were watching over us, they would be proud of your commitment to the tailgate.
- The experience is priceless. It is also pricey. If you don’t pass out in the grass and actually make it inside the game, you’re bound to spend some money. Beers sold inside the stadium cost $10, which explains why you’ll have an $80 charge on your card that you don’t remember making.
- Remember, you’re in college. So you might have made a fool of yourself. You threw up on the beer pong table, you passed out in the grass at noon, you tore down a rival’s tailgate setup screaming “Go Bulls.” It’s okay. You were showing your team spirit. And you probably won’t remember it anyways.
Go Bulls, baby.