If your non-college or commuter friends ever come over to your dorm room, they will probably have some questions about dormitory life. Living away from home can be a fascinating idea for those who have never tried it. But with freedom comes responsibility. You might find yourself in need of a thoughtful answer to some common questions about USF St. Petersburg dorm life. Here are some typical scenarios.
Q: Why are these elevators so slow?
A: One of the trolls that operate the pulleys must be asleep.
Q: Why is there vomit on the floor of this elevator?
A: I don’t know, but it’s not from motion sickness. These things are so slow…
Q: Why does this place look like a dungeon?
A: It doesn’t. Dungeons don’t have electricity, so we don’t really know what they look like now, do we?
Q: What smells like _____? (insert disgusting smell here)
A: Probably the big pile of _____ over there.
Q: How do you deal with noisy roommates?
A: Drown them in death metal. Or Lady Gaga, if I’m feeling particularly vengeful.
Q: What do you call this pretty carpet pattern?
A: Sludge.
Q: Where do you study?
A: On the roof, usually.
Q: Why isn’t the Internet working?
A: Word has it they have a possum problem in Tampa. They chew on the generators sometimes.
Q: Are there maids here?
A: No. (Ed. note: The Hilton does have maids. It’s a hotel.)
Q: Then who takes out the trash?
A: No one. That’s why there’s trash everywhere.
Q: Why don’t you have a picture of Judy Genshaft on your wall? I thought all USF students worshipped her.
A: I had one, but the brilliant radiance shining off of her face was giving people sunburns.
