Bar etiquette should be required with the privilege of drinking. After polling bartenders and witnessing first handedly the obnoxious behavior of drunken patrons, I figured I’d compile a list of the dos and don’ts:
Don’t be the creepy guy that has to grind his way past a group of girls, sexually assaulting them to get through a crowd. It never fails. Every time this happens, I turn around and there is eight feet of clearance for the guy to get by — no molesting necessary.
Do make moves when walking into a bar. Don’t walk into a huge crowd of people dazed and confused — either get a drink or find a table. Don’t lead your group of friends into the building like Stevie Wonder.
Do start a conversation with something clever. If I knew how many weirdos would come up to me saying, “So, are you a Georgia peach?” in reference to the tattoo on my arm, I would have seriously rethought the placement. Come up with something more original than, “Did those hurt?” or, “I like your tattoos,” then proceed to show me your tribal armband you got tattooed ten years ago, in a garage by your uncle.
Don’t be rude to the bartender. It is the most unattractive thing when someone is trying to “talk you up” and doesn’t have the courtesy to politely address the bartender or tip them for their efforts.
Do tip! If a bartender “hooks it up,” tip accordingly. Pouring free water takes almost as long as pouring a beer.
Do have your order ready. In a packed bar, don’t stumble on your drink order. The bartenders are slammed. Don’t waste their time.
Don’t order basic everyday drinks with some fancy name. “Yeah uhhh I’ll have a ‘Cape Cod.’ ” IT’S A VODKA CRANBERRY! Your superior beverage is being consumed daily by the masses.
Do return the favor of buying a round. If someone buys a shot, you get the next one.
Don’t be that drunk friend who needs to be baby-sat. You think you’re cute and hilarious, but everyone hates you.
