It’s been a rough week for America — the bombings in Boston, the fertilizer plant explosion in West Texas and while the families of victims of the Sandy Hook tragedy were in attendance, the U.S. Senate failed to vote in a law that requires background checks for gun purchasers at gun shows.
However, we can always count on Florida do give us some comic relief. Not only is Florida about to be taken over by giant blood-sucking mosquitoes, residents will also be sharing their gardens (and possibly homes) with giant snails. The snails can grow to the size of rabbits, are known to carry parasites and can eat through plaster.
Poor snails and mosquitoes, it’s not their fault they are so big and scary.
Criminals in Florida, however, have no one to blame for their stupidity but themselves. Tuesday, homeless church burglar Steven Hardwick left cigarette butts, an empty bag of Funyuns and a Natural Ice beer can for police to find after he stole money from Giles Presbyterian Church in Orange Park.
Parents of the year Sonya Barbour and Glenn Martin were caught attempting to steal over $2,000 worth of baby formula from a Palm Springs Walmart Thursday. Apparently the couple has been stealing baby formula for months and selling it for thousands of dollars to fund their pain pill addictions.
Police officers are known for drug busts and stakeouts. Well, in Florida, the brave officers of Hallendale Beach are putting their lives on the line, and their clothes on the floor, in “nude stings.” In an attempt to combat human trafficking, officers are visiting massage parlors and arresting unlicensed workers who perform illegal sexual acts upon clients. The stings are so effective, police departments in other parts of South Florida are looking to the officers of Hallendale to teach them their methods.
When hard times hit the United States, citizens can look to Florida for proof that the world is not just full of terrorists and murderers, but also outstanding parents and police officers looking for happy endings to their traumatic shifts. Thanks, Florida.
Chelsea is a junior studying mass communications and creative director at the Crow’s Nest. She can be reached at chelsea11@mail.usf.edu.
