We’ve all done it.
Made up an excuse, which we use as a go-to tactic, as to why we’d rather not continue talking with a person who’s approached us at a bar, maybe even the grocery store or the gym. Instead of expressing our lack of interest in a direct way, we dance around the issue.
We voluntarily forfeit our ability to speak for ourselves and to make our own decisions about the interactions we have with others because excuses are easier.
If a person’s coming on to us and we’re not about it (but it’s still awesome, and encouraged, if we are), our disinterest should go like this, “I’m not interested.” Simple enough. But we’ve learned to succumb to quick, no-questions-asked phrases like “I’m already in a relationship,” or “I’m here with someone else, actually.”
As writer Alecia Lynn Eberhardt notes in a reprinted article for xoJane, it’s unreasonable to dub people who initiate conversations with us, regardless of the setting, as “creepy.” However, conversations can, and do in some cases, change gears, resulting in a need to draw the line.
Our desire to be left alone shouldn’t be ignored — or downplayed with an apologetic tone — devoid of a romantic/sexual partner or not. This bogus technique, our easy exit, signals to the person we’re attempting to deflect that we’re only rejecting them because of our “involvement” with somebody else, which is not the case.
Forget the fact that I have no regard for the agency of others and my pick-up attempt was unwelcome from the start. That person is just in a relationship. Uh, nope. Us becoming “available” probably wouldn’t change anything.
So, break the chain. Be a good enough person to acknowledge someone’s wishes and walk away. Mostly, start saying what you mean.
Meaghan Habuda is a senior majoring in mass communications and copy editor. She can be reached at mhabuda@mail.usf.edu.
