Nobody quite knows what’s up with the popular Disney character Pluto. Why is Goofy self-aware while Pluto seemingly is not? But is he? Is he just kinky? James demands answers. Courtesy of Wikipedia
By James Bennett III
With the upcoming election just around the corner, one question burns within hearts and souls of thousands –– No, millions of Americans.
That question, which is on our minds at all times, is simple.
What the guh-hyuk is up with the Disney characters Pluto and Goofy?
To put things more clearly, why is it that only one of them appears to be self-aware if both characters are dogs?
On one hand, we have Goofy, the sharply-dressed single father and homeowner.
A staple to his community and lover of art, fashion and higher education, Goofy speaks in (nearly) coherent English and uses his voice to promote a healthy and happy lifestyle.
On the other hand, we have Pluto, a humble dog that does not share his kinsman’s proficiency in speech, clothing or conventional life. He mainly inhabits a small shack, or dog house, outside of the Mickey Mouse residence and communicates solely through inarticulate barks and gestures.
For the most part, both dogs seem to tolerate the confusing circumstances in which they live; they are both respected members of their flourishing society and get along with the other animals just fine … or so it would seem.
In my unprofessional opinion, there is something very sinister going on in Mouseton, the canonical home of Mickey and his neighbors.
This brings us to my first theory: Mickey Mouse is keeping Pluto against his will and without a number of the universal rights declared by the United Nations.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: Pluto is a house pet and Goofy is an anthropomorphic dog.
I’m not so sure.
What if, and hear me out, they’re just as sentient as each other?
What if years of being forced to walk on all fours as a means to establish Mickey’s dominance have led to dystrophy in Pluto’s hind legs, while the denial of any education necessary to articulate his thoughts in a proper and meaningful fashion only lead us to believe that Pluto is a regular dog?
We’ve seen Pluto walk on his hind legs before, and we’ve certainly seen him show emotions just as deeply as Goofy.
Sure, more viewers bawled their eyes out during “A Goofy Movie” than any scene Pluto has ever starred in, but that’s a matter of fame and Goofy’s ability to communicate, not their respective abilities to feel complex emotions. Other characters seem to understand Pluto’s barks and whines just fine.
I submit the idea that their rights have been stratified by a classist organization bent on ‘toon domination, where clothing seems to be an indicator of who holds power.
There are reasons to believe that Pluto does, in fact, resent his diminished stature.
His chain and collar, the only articles of clothing that Pluto has, indicate that he does not enjoy the same freedoms as Goofy.
Additionally, he has shown disdain toward being subjected to rain, sleet and snow while Mickey sits comfortably in his house.
When Pluto has escaped in the past, he was swiftly captured by the character Pete and returned to Mickey. Who knows what sort of punishment Pluto endured upon his return? My heart weeps for the soul of that poor defenseless dog.
How can Goofy even stand to witness the horrible treatment of his kin, much less align himself with Mickey Mouse? How could he betray the freedoms of another sentient life or accept this sort of world for himself and his son Max?
I guess he’s just the Kanye West of the Disney universe. Thank you Walt, very cool.
Then again, perhaps I’m being too harsh on the Disney corporation.
Sure, it has acted a little shady in the past with anti-semitic gestures such as Walt welcoming Leni Riefenstahl into his studio just one month after Kristallnacht, and releasing racist content like the controversial film “Song of the South” during the 1940s.
But that sort of behaviour was considered normal, or at least acceptable, back in the day.
In any case, if Americans are so willing to turn a blind eye to the fact that we still idolize dead slave-owners, why not ignore the shady past of Florida’s favorite supremacist as well?
Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that Mickey is not the ringleader of some oppressive hierarchy and that Pluto has willingly subjected himself to a lifestyle of nudity, incoherence and chained servitude.
This brings us to my next theory: Pluto might just be the kinkiest Disney character of all time. I’m talking kinkier than Prince Charming, the Cinderella character with a foot fetish.
Pluto might just be a full-blown BDSM enthusiast.
Everybody seems to be pretty cool with the fact that Pluto acts like a real dog while Goofy acts like an anthropomorphic human.
Keep in mind that almost nobody in their town wears pants and you’ve got yourself a party.
Whatever the case may be, and I certainly hope that Disney’s lawyers don’t feel inclined to spell it out for us, you have to admit that the distinction between Pluto and Goofy feels at least a little wrong.
So far, their fickle creators have little to offer other than the fact that Goofy is a dawg, Disney’s term for Goofy’s anthropomorphic nature, while Pluto is a regular dog.
Perhaps they’ve kept the purpose for their distinction muddled to preserve the creative process. Perhaps they did it to make the world feel a little more magical.
Then again, they might just be trying to shelter innocent children from the wildly inappropriate behavior conducted by their characters.
Perhaps they simply don’t care.
But I care. I care a lot.
Join me next time for more incoherent ramblings and conspiracy theories when I tackle the Hundred Acre Woods and Eeyore’s lack of welfare.
