The end of the semester hangs heavy in the air, but it doesn’t have to spell doom. Here is a healthy procrastinator’s guide to getting through the last couple weeks of class, relatively unscathed.
Do:
-Eat a lot of mint, as it stimulates the mind. Even better, it could help you secure an after-exam date.
-Take breaks from working and get outside for a brisk walk or jog. Then don’t shower. If you accumulate enough body odor, the professor might call the exam off upon your entrance into the classroom.
-Listen to just enough fast-paced music to get your skull rattling. Dancing brains write beautiful papers…
-Watch something terrifying if you have to pull an all-nighter. It could be a slasher movie, or it could be close-up shots of sloths. Sleep will stay away.
Don’t:
-Take any serious uppers, downers, zingers or sidewinders. Caffeine, alcohol and a spoonful of sugar should be enough to do the trick.
-Fall asleep studying and get locked in the library. Weird stuff happens there at night, including meetings of the rodent reading club and ghost philosopher parties.
-Sleep with books stacked on your head. No knowledge will be transmitted; you will just have to keep cracking your neck during the exam.
-Stay awake for more than 48 hours at a time. That’s when the hallucinations start. We all love unicorns, but they don’t know much about anything besides rainbows and ice cream.
-Give up! In no time at all you will stumble bleary-eyed into the summer sun, leaving the pursuit of knowledge behind for a chance to sizzle your skin to a crisp and incur numerous mosquitoe bites.
