CLOP. CLOP. CLOP. CLOP. BANG! CLOP. CLOP. CLOP.
You just witnessed an Amish drive-by-shooting.
Anyone recently clicking through random channels may have been frightened to encounter a certain show that relates the interactions of so-called “Amish Mafia” members. Even more frightening is that the show airs on the once-reliable Discovery Channel. This just goes to show that there is always room for reality TV to get weirder, stupider and more pointless. Let’s just hope it never makes it as far as any of these proposals.
“When Pigs Fly” – A fight to the death competition where average Homo sapiens see who can launch a porker the farthest. Innovations may include but are not limited to bacon cannons and hog air balloons.
“BattleBrainz” – Hook up some wires to the craniums of individuals with high IQ scores, and see who can think harder. The invisibility of brain waves might put the entertainment level near low, but the imaginative will see more than strained temples.
“Hogwarts after Harry” – Good luck getting the rights for this one, but a soap opera documenting the lives of young wizards and witches would be novel. Maybe not best-selling novel, but low-budget computer animation is always enjoyable. Over Dumbledore’s dead body, you say? Just wait for the spin-off, “You Heartless, Heartless Hippogriff.”
S*M*A*S*H – You guessed it, a primetime hour-full of people smashing stuff. They better get it into production before Mythbusters finishes filling the niche…
Squid Whisperer – The most unlikely creature to be whispered to is now being whispered to. What is it saying back? We’re not sure, but it likes the taste of gullible consumers.
